"I don’t even know how many times shes done this to me. How many times shes pulled me in just to push me away. And here I am. Like an obedient fucking idiot…waiting for her to comeback. Where is that strong sense of self that I used to be so fucking proud of? Where is that self assured knowing person that doesn’t believe in all the bullshit fantasy things, like love?
I just need to get it out. I’m a little buzzed. Because i cant stand to be sober now. Because i need other things to occupy my mind. So i go over to my bookshelf, to place my bottle of Jack, because it looks a little shaky on the stool, and I don’t want to lose it. I cant lose it.
So I place it on a shelf where it’s safe, unintentionally by the ring she gave me. And it stops me cold. I haven’t worn it since that day. Since the day she shattered my heart all across the front walk of my house. And I hadn’t left my room for days. I couldn’t go back there…I didn’t want to have to walk through the scene where everything came apart for me.
Today I had to. Because well fuck…life. But i tried not to think of it as i made my way out of the door. Still, the memory of it pounded on my chest as i walked through the place where she told me…you are not enough. Where she turned and walked away from me. And there was nothing. No beauty. No fucking peace. Just that ring looming and sitting heavy on my finger. That stupid fucking bloody ring that i cant bare to look at. I cant bare to feel the weight of what it meant to me. Of what i thought it meant for us.
She couldn’t see a future with me. All this time, all of the bullshit words that she spoke to me. Everything. None of it meant a thing. None of it meant a fucking thing.” She said as she took another sip of her whiskey.